Good Riddance to Bush

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January 5

In "W"'s Own Words

Okay, now that George W. Bush is about to leave office, it is time to take a sarcastic look back at some of his verbal gaffs. All of the following quotations were statements made by George W. Bush, with the date following the quote in parentheses. I realize this "speech" might be a bit disjointed, but then, so was George W. Bush's Presidency. Oh well, I tried my best, given the flawed material that I had.

Surveying the crowd of around 300 people, "W" began his short and sweet farewell speech. He began by talking about his forte, national defense.

"Throughout our history, the words of the Declaration have inspired immigrants from around the world to set sail to our shores. These immigrants have helped transform 13 small colonies into a great and growing nation of more than 300 people." (July 4, 2008) "It was not always a given that the United States and America would have a close relationship. After all, 60 years we were at war 60 years ago we were at war." (June 29, 2006)

Whoops! That was a bit of a slip-up. But "W" figured that if he just stayed the course, everything would be okay, so he forged ahead as usual. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." (Aug. 5, 2004) "There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee - that says, fool me once, shame on - shame on you. Fool me - you can't get fooled again." (Sept. 17, 2002)

Now, "W" was on a roll. "They misunderestimated the compassion of our country. I think they misunderestimated the will and determination of the commander in chief, too." (Sept. 26, 2001) "Make no mistake about it, I understand how tough it is, sir. I talk to families who die." (Dec. 7, 2006) "There's no doubt in my mind, not one doubt in my mind, that we will fail." (Oct. 4, 2001) That didn't quite come out the way he meant it to, but as long as he just pretended nothing was wrong, maybe nobody would notice.

Now, the Great Decider turned his attention to the economy and human interest stories. "I want to thank the dozens of welfare-to-work stories, the actual examples of people who made the firm and solemn commitment to work hard to embetter themselves." (April 18, 2002) "Too many good docs are getting out of business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." (Sept. 6, 2004) Thinking of the importance of technological gadgetry to the success of doctors, he mused "The fact that they purchased the machine meant somebody had to make the machine. And when somebody makes a machine, it means there's jobs at the machine-making place." (May 27, 2008)

And now for a final "surge" in his speech, he turned his attention to the plight of the chlidren. "I remember meeting a mother of a child who was abducted by the North Koreans right here in the Oval Office." (June 26, 2008) Cute kid, "W" thought. "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" (January 2000)

And to top off his speech with some universal appeal, showing himself to be a true environmentalist, he concluded "I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully." (September 2000) It wasn't exactly clear which human being he meant; perhaps he was referring to Michael Phelps.

The end of "W"'s speech was met with thunderous applause; the enthusiasm with which his speech was received surprised even "W," who failed to realize that the applause was not out of appreciation for his efforts, but rather because the audience was glad to be rid of him. Oh well, applause is applause.

The source of these quotations is Bushisms Over the Years.