The Universe 2009
Of Lost Socks and Missing Matter
Many things we have found out about the universe would have amazed our ancestors. I suppose they would have considered us to be crackpots with our modern knowledge, but it's true -- radio, television, telephones, the internet, photography, things we take for granted; it's all "magic." In that spirit, I present my wacky mind-stretching theory of how our universe may have formed, in combination with some very serious, universe-stretching ideas. I figure that the more we stretch our minds, the more we eventually learn. Is this topic a joke, or is it serious? Well, it is both. Sometimes the sublime and the rediculous meet together in the truth, for those with enough imagination to make it happen.
I have always been one to look at the bigger picture, such as... well, how the universe came into being. Over time, I have received some clues in my quest to understand the establishment of this reality in which we find ourselves. The first one was the so-called "Big Bang Theory." Obviously, this theory leaves something missing, like what was outside of the little, super-dense ball of matter/energy which exploded into our universe. However, the Big Bang did explain that we are basically living in a gigantic bubble. Then, astrophysicists postulated that we are in just one of many such bubbleverses. I could have told them that when the Big Bang theory first came out. There had to be something else out there, most likely an untold, or untellable, number of such bubbleverse realities. That is where I got my idea for Dollyverse from, by the way, except that Dollyverse is really here, not there. The good thing about the astrophysicists' speculations is that they carry some authority, as tentative as that may be regarding aspects of reality which are so far beyond our ability to experience them firsthand, using our senses. They actually have data and calculations, plus theory, which suggests that the bubbleverse idea may be so. In fact, I believe that there is more evidence than I have heard any astrophysicist admit to.
The big new hot topic in astrophysics is so-called "dark matter," and "dark energy," which I am including as one topic due to the matter/energy equivalence which my good pal Al first alerted us to. No, that is not Al Gore. I am talking about Albert Einstein. Astrophysicists keep doing their calculations, and saying, "What happened to all the matter that's supposed to be out there? What's happened to all the energy that we know is there but we're not finding? We can only find 2% (or whatever )of it." Well, duh, it is out there, in the other bubbleverses! It is stretching our particular reality out from the outside. At least, that is what makes sense to me. That is why our "universe" is expanding, is my most educated guess. There may also be lots of matter/energy in our universe which has yet to be discovered. Remember, we can only detect what our sensors are capable of detecting. Our instruments, and our senses, provide limits on what we can detect. Perhaps this is the secret to spiritual presence in the universe. It may have matter/energy in a form which we cannot detect. That explains why it is so hard for most of us to hear the voices of the God consciousness and the Angels and spirits and so forth. Of course, this opens the way for crackpots and schizophrenics to make false claims of direct communication with spiritual forces, making it difficult to sort out possible genuine spiritual communicators from the false ones. At the same time, there may be multiple realities occupying the same space. I believe that is a speculation emanating from string theory, although the various string theorists seem to be having a hard time agreeing on anything. Maybe that's because those little strings are so darn small. Between all the parallel universes sharing space with us, unmeasured spiritual energies, plus the external bubbleverses, it's surprising that we are finding even 2% of the matter and energy that astrophysicists expect to find. I suspect that there is even more out there than even the astrophysicists are looking for.
Now, here is where things get a bit strange. My final clue about the origins of the universe came from my washing machine. As multitiudes of clothing washers have noted, socks have a mysterious way of disappearing from the washing machine. Hmm, they must go somewhere. It finally occured to me that they may be propelled into other realities. Since string theory says there are really 17 dimensions, or something of that order, depending upon how the calculations are done, there are hidden dimensions harboring alternate realities (and unmeasured matter/energy) among us. Well, as we all know, washing machines create massive centrifugal forces. During the spin cycle, it occured to me, the centrifugal force of the washing machine may at times compact socks into superdense, Quasar-like form. If the socks are decelerated too quickly, perhaps they break free from our reality in string-energy form, and are propelled into another string-dimensional reality. Once there, I figure that the sock in its condensed form would become a small pulsating, Quasar-like meteorite travelling at an incredible velocity. This little meteorite could come to one of 3 endings. One is that it could eventually collide with a planet, creating a large crater and generally wreaking havoc. The second possibility is that it could bang into a sun, creating some interesting solar flares and perhaps aweing sentient beings on some other planet in some other reality with the resulting aurora borealis display, or perhaps just irritating people by hampering radio communications and contributing somewhat to global warming. The final possibility is the crux of my rather unconventional speculations. The little sock meteor could collide with great velocity with some black hole in the center of some galaxy out there in some alternate reality, with such force that it catalyzes another Big Bang explosion, resulting in the formation of a new "universe." Therefore, it could very well be the case that our entire universe was started because somebody in some other reality lost a sock in the washing machine. And here is one more thing to contemplate. If other explanations don't hold enough "weight" to explain what happened to all the missing matter that the astrophysicists are looking for, perhaps those disappearing socks are the answer. God works in mysterious ways, indeed. I wonder whether you or I have unwittingly started any new universes. So ends my explication of the Sock Theory of the Universe.
Well, that might seem like a pretty absurd explanation of what happens to socks which are lost in the laundry, but I haven't heard any better ones. If you think you can up with a better explanation, you are welcome to try.